Sunday, March 30, 2008

Here I go again...

Reading Sheila Hancock's autobiography of her marriage to John Thaw "The Two of Us". A wonderful book but not the thing to read if you have a tendency to the ol' black dog.
They say one should never blog while drunk. Well, I am not drunk but my black furry chum is sitting right beside me right now. He'll be gone in the morning but it is pretty interesting for the moment.
Why on earth do I do this? It is right up there with listening to Joni Mitchell, what a daft cow I am at times. But the agony that flows from that woman's pen, the hopeless, ringing longing for her dead husband. I wept several times and that's not easy when reading a book is it? And memories of my losses just came rolling in like waves and, while I am nowhere near drowning, my ankles are quite soaked from all the paddling I have been doing this evening. Silly silly woman...

But listen, here is an extract from her diary that she inserts every so often in the chapters. This was shortly after John Thaw's death

...prowling around, looking for traces of him. I can still smell him but he has absolutely gone. Utter despair at his absence...I lie on the floor, crouch trying to stop the physical pain of it. I can't do anything without him, have a cup of tea, cook, it is all linked with him. I am talking to him as if he were there, but he is not, he's so not...

And then, you know, it is curious. I could keep this in drafts, I have had the catharsis of writing it down (plus a good deal more that I have deleted - be glad for that btw) but I am pretty sure I will post this. And why is that? Why do I want to tell you? Why are you reading? I read Robin Hobb's diatribe against blogging the other day and a nasty taste it left behind it I can tell you. Check it out if you like, but it is not cheerful reading. Come to think of it neither is this really?

Back to yarny stuff tomorrow, today rather thanks to BST, we have lost an hour and it is rather later than I thought it might be. I can't afford another insomnia bout, I have an MG to pick up later. A good day ahead I think. And I will leave the talented Sheila Hancock for another evening. Love is a killing thing sometimes...but life's not worth a damn without it either.

ps
I didn't do the lights out thing, I was watching Beowulf and forgot.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have been wanting to read that autobiography for a long time, though I know it will be sad.

Robin Hobbs should subscribe to bloglines or similar. LOL

alice c said...

I wouldn't worry too much about Robin Hobbs. Anyone who has got the time to spend at the 'Elf Fantasy Fair' shouldn't criticise other people who spend time blogging. We all prioritise our time differently.

Pippa said...

Sorry to hear you've been sad. I won't read whatever discouraging nonsense Robin Hobb wrote. Not worth it... although I am curious.
Picking up the MG, eh? Now THAT is something to look forward to. We'll want pictures!x x x

Wayfaring Wanderer said...

It's seems like a contradiction to me.....they're sort of blogging about not blogging.....i decline to read it since I often wonder why I do it....I don't need someone telling me not to do it......haha.....I'm too impressionable!
Drunk blogging....is that supposed to be the equivalent of drunk dialing?!?! haha

Patois42 said...

I shall have to get that book. Have you read Joan Didion's "The Year of Magical Thinking" yet? Sounds like they are on similar wavelengths.

Now, I shall go check out that link.

Anonymous said...

pray you and the MrV are savely home.and the car is a joy.Robin Hobbs needs to get a life.these lefty social liberal's talk about freedom but not for you or me.keep bloging.my freetime is my own.see sara's blog it will make you happy.yarn and more yarn????????for you

Kati said...

*grin* I just read about half of Robin Hobb's diatribe, and while what she says makes sense (blogging does take up a good bit of time!), for those of us who have no intention of being published authors.... Well, I equate it with sharing my life with my friends & family. (And, my mom & sisters DO read my blog on a regular basis.) So, I guess I don't see blogging as quite so vampiric.

I'm also sorry to hear that you've been sad. I hope you see lighter days in the near future!

Ragged Roses said...

It's funny how we are drawn to particular books at particular times. I can find myself a complete emotional wreck after reading some and then will go on and sing its praises, maybe catharsis is good! Joni Mitchell has the same effect on me too! Hope today is a good day for you
Kimx

Pilgrim said...

If I could have a nickel for every time someone said, "I don't get blogging" I wouldn't have enough money to buy lunch. But I do hear it a lot.

Reading your post while sitting down to my morning coffee was like sitting down to have breakfast with a chum. The only difference is there's a lot of salt water between us.

I'm down with you sister, thanks for sharing.