Window in Your Heart

It is continuing to be a peculiarly schitzo chrimbo this year. Never had a Christmas like it. Normally the black dog waits until January to bite me in the arse, but he has been having a good old chew off and on for the last month. So surfing round the favourite blogs this morning I wandered over to Hedgewizard and paddled around a bit in a particularly touching post Window in Your Heart - It is brave but also sorrowful, you have been warned.

But Christmas is a happy time, giving gifts, being with loved ones, watching nostalgic TV. There was the church ceilidh last night which was huge, huge fun. I have so much to be thankful for, really I do. I have more than enough, my family is strong and healthy, there is ample food and drink in the house, the fire is glowing and there is plenty of coal, the presents are sorted even if they have still to be wrapped. So how is it that I am feeling so desperate at the same time? It is rather annoying frankly.

Christmas Eve is my absolute favourite day in the whole year - it is all about potential, the waiting, the excitement. I love it, the "eyes full of tinsel and fire" type stuff. That quiet intense happiness that only happens on Christmas Eve.

This morning I woke up knowing that I had had a wonderful warm comfortable dream. I can't remember anything of it, but I have been yearning for something quite hopelessly for some time. And I know that my mind had somehow manufactured what I had been yearning for and given me the comfort of it even if it was only in my dreams. I have been hanging on to that comfort all morning.
In the words of my favourite Christmas song "I wish you a hopeful Christmas, I wish you a brave new year. All anguish pain and sadness leave your heart and may your road be clear"

I think this post will also do for the "What Christmas Means to Me" meme from Pilgrim. (Can't link 'cos he's still flying under the radar at the mo)

Have a good one friends, see you the other side of the turkey madness!