Today is not a sad day, I have too many things to be grateful for to be sad, but it is a day to be still and be aware of the past.
There are all kinds of bereavement and they all have their own unique kind of pain. One of them I know well. It was nine years ago today that I found out that the child I carried within me had died and whenever I hear that a friend or an acquaintance or even an utter stranger has lost a baby, my heart contracts for them, because I know what they are facing and it is a hellish journey.
Miscarriage is a loss that gets worse before it gets better because each day your body is supposed to be doing something amazing and now it is not. Each day is a day closer to the day that you should have given birth and now that will never happen. It is the loss of a future that will not now come to pass.
And well meaning, but desperately stupid people will say airily - "You can have another!" and you smile and nod and try to be sensible and not scream in their face - "But I wanted that one! Now go away and never open your mouth again as long as you live and if you would care to go and die in a ditch then now would be a good time..."
Then you close down on that momentary madness, offer them a cup of tea and listen to them tell you about their grandchildren. Sometimes people are so dumb...
And then I remember Tim, whose wife was pregnant at exactly the same time as me, who just stood helplessly and looked at me and told me that he did not know what to say. Then gave me a bouquet of white roses and cried with me. Some people, sometimes the most surprising ones, know just what to say...
Nine years (and three beautiful children) later I still remember. I will remember all my life I think.
I am not sad, we all have scars on our heart after all, but I am quiet today.
There are all kinds of bereavement and they all have their own unique kind of pain. One of them I know well. It was nine years ago today that I found out that the child I carried within me had died and whenever I hear that a friend or an acquaintance or even an utter stranger has lost a baby, my heart contracts for them, because I know what they are facing and it is a hellish journey.
Miscarriage is a loss that gets worse before it gets better because each day your body is supposed to be doing something amazing and now it is not. Each day is a day closer to the day that you should have given birth and now that will never happen. It is the loss of a future that will not now come to pass.
And well meaning, but desperately stupid people will say airily - "You can have another!" and you smile and nod and try to be sensible and not scream in their face - "But I wanted that one! Now go away and never open your mouth again as long as you live and if you would care to go and die in a ditch then now would be a good time..."
Then you close down on that momentary madness, offer them a cup of tea and listen to them tell you about their grandchildren. Sometimes people are so dumb...
And then I remember Tim, whose wife was pregnant at exactly the same time as me, who just stood helplessly and looked at me and told me that he did not know what to say. Then gave me a bouquet of white roses and cried with me. Some people, sometimes the most surprising ones, know just what to say...
Nine years (and three beautiful children) later I still remember. I will remember all my life I think.
I am not sad, we all have scars on our heart after all, but I am quiet today.
6 comments:
Bloody hell, it's been that long?! I remember how gutted I was when mum told me (as gutted as a ten year old could be and understand such a situation) and we weren't allowed to see you for a while.
I suppose you can't really react properly or say the right thing to someone unless you've had that experience yourself, otherwise you're just trying to be nice and optimistic, which I guess is the wrong thing to do at the time.
But looking at the positives is always good - 3 beautiful, healthy daughters, a stable and happy family living in a gorgeous valley (just 10 minutes drive from me usually, come on it doesn't get better!) and V (well no one's life is perfect I suppose).
And she is chilling with Jesus having an awesome time right now anyway, so just smile, kiss the Buntings and have a banging day!!
I love you xx
PS: I shall also be persuing legal action against you after your thoughtlessly blatant copyright infringement of MY phrase 'die in a ditch'.
I shall see you in court!
I am sure that is something that stays with a person forever. I just couldn't imagine what that is like.
Thinking of you and thanking God for the strength that you have to keep us all going! I cannot see this bleeping screen for the tears in my eyes.
Love you! most wonderful treasured friend.
How beautiful the three you have with you here are!
Cyril: I love you too, my darling boy. x
...and you got that phrase from me I believe :)
Greg: Thanks...and I'll pop over later to see the cat :D
Sara: Hugging you girl :)
Gosh Sian, how sad and awful for you. A great big cyber hug from me ((((HUG))))
Kim x
If it's all right with you, I'd like to be a bit quiet for you and your loss now. I am sorry.
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