I don't often blog personal stuff. Apart from my ongoing battle with insomnia that I mention so often, I can't remember the last time I did. But hey, death does that to you right?
Yesterday was the funeral of an old friend. She had been ill for years with a mild kind of leukemia - debilitating rather than deadly. Then all of a sudden, it mutates into the malignant kind and she is dead six weeks later. Bang. She was the same age as my husband, seven years older than me. It makes you think.
I have been fighting hard lately, fighting for stuff I should not want, making impossible demands on people. How can I be devastated when they do not give me what I want? It seems that all my adult life I have wanted more. More stuff, more challenges, more people to love me, more things to do, more things to learn. What will it take? What will it take?
I have been thinking for a long time to go and train as a nurse. The twins are going to school full time next September and this is my chance, maybe my last chance. And of course as my little ones leave for a new chapter in their lives, I am getting broody again - which is right out as far as V is concerned. And I see the rightness of it. Doesn't make it easier though, especially with the girls in church sprogging left right and centre.
So here is the question. Is this desire to get out and get nurse training a bluff for hiding broodiness? Or is it a real desire? Or is the broodiness a hiding place? If I stay at home with another baby (or two?) for another four years, I will not have to attempt the three years training that it takes to be a nurse. Also, V thinks I do not have the necessary characteristics to become a nurse. Do I ignore the opinion of a person who knows me so very well? He has lived with me for more than half my life after all.
What to do? I wonder...
Yesterday was the funeral of an old friend. She had been ill for years with a mild kind of leukemia - debilitating rather than deadly. Then all of a sudden, it mutates into the malignant kind and she is dead six weeks later. Bang. She was the same age as my husband, seven years older than me. It makes you think.
I have been fighting hard lately, fighting for stuff I should not want, making impossible demands on people. How can I be devastated when they do not give me what I want? It seems that all my adult life I have wanted more. More stuff, more challenges, more people to love me, more things to do, more things to learn. What will it take? What will it take?
I have been thinking for a long time to go and train as a nurse. The twins are going to school full time next September and this is my chance, maybe my last chance. And of course as my little ones leave for a new chapter in their lives, I am getting broody again - which is right out as far as V is concerned. And I see the rightness of it. Doesn't make it easier though, especially with the girls in church sprogging left right and centre.
So here is the question. Is this desire to get out and get nurse training a bluff for hiding broodiness? Or is it a real desire? Or is the broodiness a hiding place? If I stay at home with another baby (or two?) for another four years, I will not have to attempt the three years training that it takes to be a nurse. Also, V thinks I do not have the necessary characteristics to become a nurse. Do I ignore the opinion of a person who knows me so very well? He has lived with me for more than half my life after all.
What to do? I wonder...
5 comments:
AHHHHHHHHHh crafty lady, you are a a cross roads my dear. Do what your heart tells you! A desire is given by God and a if you follow that desire God will fulfil it! The baby hunny though honestly, 1) how can it happen? and 2) it's those bleeping hormones again! Think of all the breast feeding ( you know what i mean right?)
Lord, grant the desires of crafty ladys heart and make a way for her to follow those desires and see them come to pass! AMEN!!!!!!
Love always!
xxx
Sian- I remembre being sad when my babies got more independent- it's normal.
Maybe volunteer a few times at a hospital or old age home- you'll know soon enough whether it's right for you.
So sorry about your friend, that's always hard.
Thanks friends x
ROFL crafty lady volunteering at a nursing home, I can see it now!! rofl. Crafty lady and doddery old lady in a room sipping cocktails, jumpin on the beds and shreeking with laughter. (or was that just us last night in aber shars honeymoon suite which we invaded)
Sounds rather Rolling Stones doesn't it Sa? Fun times...
:D
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